Out of the mouth of babes…….. May 29, 2006

Teenage boys.  Love 'em or hate 'em, they are a force to be reckoned with.  On an outside day, all the 8th grade boys decided they would play football. Of course there was shit talkin' and name callin and no shirts and sweat.  There was this one moment when the male herd ran past me that I could actually smell the testosterone.  Which brings me to discuss a student of mine. I will refer to him as Rico Sauve.  He started out on the right foot, making good grades, trying hard to be respectful and participate and about four weeks ago, it all started going down hill.  At first, Rico would just talk about himself and how "awesome" he is at everything he does (oh,pleeeese).  Then it moved onto asking the girls to get his stuff for him or bossing them around but with charm.  This grew annoying and quick.  It was new seating day and the boys were all like, "I call the orange chair" "I call the teacher's desk" and so forth making harmless jokes about where they would like to sit because they know I'm not gonna let them choose.  Here came Rico with his, "I claim Mrs. Keith's lap!"  Yes, he actually said that.  After I delt with that I thought we were past the remarks but nooOooo.  This past week, we're watching "Yours, Mine, and Ours" (yes, I am through with actually teaching our youth) and there is dialogue that goes somethin' like,

 "I googled her all night and found nothing." 

"Tim, I can't believe you googled another man's wife!" 

"What do you think 'googling' means, Harry?" 

"I don't know, something dirty?" 

end dialogue

Rico turns around and says, "Mrs. Keith, can I google you?"   Yes, he actually said that.                                                                                                                                                                          Hoping this is the last question I must field from Rico:     "Mrs. Keith, do you think I could be an Abercrombie model?"

"Rico, you can be whatever you want (including a full- of- yourself, rat- bastard.)  Keep up the good work!"                                                

I keep my visions to myself May 24, 2006

                                                   

During shavasana in yoga today, which is definitly my fav pose because all you do is lay there and clear your mind, I had an interesting vision.  In order to clear your mind, you try to push thoughts away as they enter or what I try to do is think of light when I breathe in and dark when I breathe out.  Today, my mind was a kalidascope of ideas and thoughts (so pretty) but I needed to make them leave.  So I breathed in, and then out…still there.  I breathed in and….I saw a field with a rolling hill in the distance.  The ground was golden and bright and there were four trees on the hill.  They had long trunks with no branches until the top.  Three of the trees had green leaves and one had red leaves. They went green, green, red, green.  It was so bright and for a moment, I lost all thought and no time passed.  It was such a feeling and it ended the moment I thought my next thought and breathed out. 

After yoga, I felt so peaceful and calm.  If you've ever had a pro massage, there's that period of time after the massage that you feel all light headed and loopy.  I call it "treatment face".  Well, I had the treatment face and I didn't even need anyone elses hands.  It was pretty awesome and I would love to decode its meaning.  What do ya'll think?  What could this say about my psyche?

P.S. Oh-mah-gawd, LOST season finale tomorrow night! 

                  This.               Not this.

                      Not this.               This.

A beautiful weekend May 21, 2006

I have had a super weekend.  It all started thursday night when my friend Debbie and Dan came over to visit.  Wil has bought a motorcycle and a dead weasel.  Both equally as dangerous but one creeps me it out more and that would be the weasel.  Wil found it at a rummage sale and then proceeded to think it was cool and brought it home to torment me and the dog.  Dan and Wil played with the bike while Debbie and I played with my "naked man" cards that I got at my bachelorette party.  They are super-nasty but it made us laugh till we cried. 

I was captain for the day when I took my girl-posse to the lake for a day of fun and sun.  As captain, I managed to start the boat, drive the boat, anchor the boat, and dock the boat.  I had a great crew and as you can see we had stimulating conversation, white legs, and plenty of girlie wine coolers. If you ever need a captain, I'm your girl. I think we should make it a summer tradition and any gals that can come, meet me at the lake in May!

Check out my new photos on my sidebar to get a glimpse of weasels and whities!

Confession May 14, 2006

I have a confession.  I do not know everything about the 80's.  I'm flattered and a little scared that people assume I know much 80's trivia but sadly it isn't true.  Sure, when an 80's song comes on I know every word to the chorus and sometimes even the dance moves but that's all.  I'm really only equipiped for Kareoki.  I'm sorry if this let's anybody down.  I'm still a lot of fun to have at parties.

I have another confession.  Just because I am a priest- to- be's wife does not mean I want to chat about religion.  Actually, I get confused easily and I only take the basics to heart.  All biblical questions should be directed towards Wil.  All questions about cake should be directed towards me.  I'm sorry if this let's anybody down.  I'm still a lot of fun to have at parties.

Don’t moon me, just show me your ass………… May 10, 2006

Okay people, is it a full moon or something because I would love to grow hair on my knuckles, chest, and face and then mame some mother-grabbin middle schoolers.  They are outta their mind and just think, we were them at one point.  The phrase, "when I was a kid" has come out of my mouth more than once and yes, things have changed ( anyone watched Mtv lately?).  

Today at school, I decided to have the A+ kids make cakes for the local food shelter.  So it started when they came in the door, "Do you mean that WE don't get to eat the cakes?  I'm needy.  But Mrs. Keith…………….."  Super annoying right? We proceed in making the cakes anyway and while my back is turned I hear a few noises so I turn around to see a kid stand and throw, with all his force, a pair of scissors across the room at another student.  Luckily, they hit the VCR behind the student but the student says, "I'm gonna kick your ass man." And so I had to act fast.  I managed to get them seperated and just waited for a principal.  After that was under control, my nerves were shaken because if the scissors would have hit flesh, they would have stuck (yuck).  I was getting back to business when this kid is just wandering around the class so I say, "Brandon, you need to find your seat." and he proceeds to say, "Whatever, I don't care what you say."   Now, on any normal day, this would be handled a little better but not today so I freaked on him for his disrespect and gave him ISS.  I was on a role.  The craziness continued ALL DAY.  One girl yelled shut up in the middle of class, one kid reported missing their lunch money for the rest of the school year..it had been stolen, when given an assignment a kid said, "Yeah, like I'm gonna do this…"  and the list goes on and on.

Full moon? Anyone? Anyone?  Where's my garlic and silver bullets?  People, I DON'T get paid enough for this………….

       Insert picture or my students here.       

No news is good news May 3, 2006

Can't say I have much to write about.  Life is pretty…that's all, just pretty.  I could write about my day and how my students suck every ounce of fabulous I have left, I could write about the fact Brittany Spears is holding a press conference thursday to tell us all mystery info, I could write about the fact I have a HUGE zit on my forhead, nose and chin right now, I could write about my trip to the doctor and how I had to "spread" twice because, oops, forgot to fit ya for that diaphragm the first trip in, I could write about Steve Colbert's hilarious speech at the correspondents white house meeting, I could write about immigration issues (ain't touchin that with a ten foot poll), I could write about the fact that I want to buy an aquamarine colored couch, I could write about the ass at the uhaul store that couldn't understand why I couldn't decode what he was saying in his "uhaul language", I could write about our new neighbors who let their child run out into the street when I drive up or the fact that they are definitly selling drugs, I could write about my camping trip last friday and the fact we all totally wussed out on exploring the late 1800's spooky house down the hill from the camp site, I could write about my first experience with grass/weed killer and how I took it a little too far, I could write about the new episode of LOST airing tomorrow, or I could write about the Eagle Scout ceremony I went to on sunday or the fact that my cousin who was in a horrible car accident 2 years ago is graduating at the end of May, I could write about my dreams of being Canadian but you know what, I don't wanna.