Cuckoo Thoughts March 26, 2008

For my birthday, Wil’s dad gave me a cuckoo clock.  He had apparently searched for quite some time to find me one that he thought I’d like and when he presented it to me, he beamed with pride.  I watched as he set it up and he showed me how to make the time current and how to wind it.  It’s pretty elaborate.  It has wood carvings of deer and birds and even some sort of hunting rifle.  The cuckoo bird comes out of a little door and little people dance around in a circle while the music box plays a happy tune. 

Honestly, at first, I wasn’t so sure about this thing.  Rifles and deer aren’t my bag and I’m not keen on hearing a clock chime every hour.  Wil put it up for me about a week after my brithday and it took my dog, Sylus, a little while to stop perking his ears up at every cuckoo. 

Last night, I was lying in bed reading the end of a great book and at 11pm, the clock went off with its 11 spaced out “cuckoo’s” and its little whimsical song.  I closed my eyes and thanked God for Wil’s dad and all the blessings that the day had brought me.  And then I realized why I had been given this clock.  It wasn’t because Wil’s dad thought that I was in need of a good clock or that I was being forced to take something that I’d never use and hardly liked.  I realized this clock made me think about family and I told myself right then each time I was present when the clock cuckooed, that I would thank God for atleast one blessing of my day.  It can be a simple blessing or something amazing that’s happened but as long as I take that moment, every hour I’m near the clock, to be thankful then this clock has brought me so much love and happiness with every tic toc.

This is not the actual clock but pretty darn close……..

Perfection is not possible March 21, 2008

People in seminary talk about all the struggles of being here and doing this.  Thus far, I have not been able to share in their struggles.  Wil and I didn’t come with much to begin with and if anything, our time here has strengthened our relationship.  I know a large majority of the seminarians and their spouses have given up homes, high paying careers, relationships, security, and belongings to become Priests and live in a strange state.  Tonight, during the Maundy Thursday service, there was this moment I could really feel love and light.  Every time I go to church, which isn’t very often, I ask God to help me believe.  I question so much about this religion, about the ceremony of it all, about Jesus being “it”, and I am continuosly trying to figure out what it is that I believe. 

After tonight, it was clear what my struggle has been and will be while here at Sewanee.  I see these Christian people everyday who hate one another, talk behind one anothers backs, become wrapped up in the do’s and don’ts so that they can’t see the love and friendship, and rae just plain mean.  Tonight,  I had the man next to me,under his breath, telling people to hurry up during the feet washing.  I had the voices outside that did nothing but complain about the sermon, there was even the voice of the Middler who critiqed every move the clergy made.  I wanted to turn around and ask them, ‘Why are you here?  What brought you to this place?  Are you even listening to the Gospel, to the lyrics of the songs, to confessions?”

What scares me is that I don’t know where this puts me.  Does this mean that I think I’m better then them?  I’ve done and will do my share of hating and gossiping and questioning.  It is so much easier to see it in others then in myself even though I can see it in me like I can see that random eyebrow hair, needing to be plucked if I just take the time to steady my hand, focus on my brow, and pull.  The issue I have is that by the time someone thinks they are ready to become a Priest, to lead others and to spread messages that are laid out in the Bible, shouldn’t a person have worked all this other garbage out?  I guess that would make them more then human which none of us are privledged enough to be.

So, while we are here, I will do my best to pray for the answers that are true to me, support Wil, and hope that I can stop myself before I do the negative things I see so clearly in others and pray that I am humble each and every minute.

Bunnies and Morons March 17, 2008

As I was driving home Friday night, a tiny little bunny hopped in front of my car.  My first thoughts were, “Look, it is the Easter Bunny.” Then I proceeded to yell at the bunny, “Go little bunny!  Go!” As I screeched to hault (which you’re never supposed to do) and closed my eyes and hoped the bunny had made it from under my car.  Well, he did but then I laughed at myself for yelling at the easter bunny who obviously could not hear me.

Wil and I watched Into the Wild.  I’ve wanted to see this movie because the idea of living off the lnad has always been a romantic one for me.  Well, the movie sucked.  It was way too long, the main character is kind of a moron and he hurts everyone in his path.  It made me feel weird which is never the sign of a feel good movie.  This was the exact opposite affect the movie Once had on me which I watched the day before.  That movie was awesome and made me cry like a teenage lovesick school girl.

My Birthday is Upon Us All March 5, 2008

It’s that time of year again and in 4 days, I will turn 29 years old.  I have already had an amazing birthday.  I saw my family, have been taken to lunch, and have plans to take a trip to Chicago on Saturday.  Life is pretty sweet even though I am one year older.

My sister in lawgave me an awesome book about having enough in a world that is designed to make us want more and more and more.  It makes me want to donate tons of stuff to Goodwill and never buy anything ever again.  This will last for a least a few days.  I have friends who buy one thing every 5 months and it is something that they truly need like a new pair of running shoes because theirs finally have a hole in the toe.  I want to be more like this.

Well, happy birthday all you pisces.  Swim against the current, mate with a different breed, and never become sushi at the local Chinese Buffet.