Last night at Spiritual Direction, we had the one where we say good bye to the seniors. We did Eucharist which is not our usual thing and at first, I found myself very uncomfortable with it. No doubt, I’ve done Eucharist before and will do Eucharist again but we sang songs about Jesus dying for us and I guess what I am saying is that even after these 5 years of being Episcopalian, I am still not comfortable with all of it. When I hear phrases like, “He has risen” or “He dies for my sins” I tense up and wonder if I should be singing or saying the phrases knowing that I am truly not a believer. I keep thinking that I will come to the answers but you see, that’s the problem, I’m thinking when I should be praying. I know that the answers may never find me and I’m okay with that but I do wish I was more comfortable with the things I know I will be faced with the rest of my church going life.
It was really sad to say good-bye, especially to Becky. At first, I felt nothing when other people were talking and then my heart started to move up into my throat and when i began to speak, it came out as a cry. I love that woman and she has been so much a part of my life here. If it wasn’t for Becky, I would definitly feel out of place and lonely even more then I usually do. She is an amazing parent, an amazing Christian, and an amazing friend. It was awesome because during her little speech about what Sewanee means to her, she said that I taught her how to be honest. I will carry that with me and try to live up to what that means for me.
And here we are, at the end of another semester at Sewanee……………
Leave a Reply