Economic Crisis my boo-tay! Well, that was my thought as I waited for 30 minutes to make my way off the Nashville Highway in order to make it anywhere near an entrance to the Opry Mills Mall. Saturday, I met up with Matthew, Anne and Phoebe in order to meet up with Catt at the mall since she was in Nashville for a conference. There was no indication before coming to the massive line of cars that there was going to be trouble. I had stopped by Target earlier in the day and it wasn’t that crowded, normal Saturday stuff but the mall was insane-o. After shopping at the one maternity store, we proceeded to go into many other clothing stores and I just started to get depressed. Every cute skirt or holiday blouse called to me but then took one look at my massive belly and slinked into the corner with that “trick photography” choppiness that we have all grown to love. Shopping when you are pregnant is depressing unless it’s for baby clothes (which, by-the-way, usually include little ears on any winter garment with a hood and I am totally fine with that. Actually I am more then fine with that, it induces an “Awwwwww” response each time and never gets old) and I haven’t ventured down that road just yet. Each mirror I passed seemed like a carnival fun house, mocking my compensating butt as it tries to out weigh my belly. It came to a point where I just wanted to eat Cinnabon and/or Auntie Ann’s pretzels all evening and watch others swipe their credit cards. To go to a mall from Sewanee is a huge deal. You’re looking at an hour minimum travel time and after that thought had circulated enough, I have decided to do online shopping or baking for the rest of my holiday thrills.
3 more for the list November 12, 2008
A while back….oh approximately 4 months ago, I started a list of 10 things you should never say to a pregnant woman. Well, I only had five at the time and just this week, I have three more to add. When hearing comments like the ones listed below, I think to myself, “When this person was growing up, what did their parents do to them that I will be sure not to do to my child to make them totally irrational. I mean, don’t they know that I could probably rip a telephone book in half with my bare teeth at this stage in the game? ” or something like that.
6. “Hey fatso”……..yes, you read that correctly. “Hey fatso”. This was uttered by a male (no big shock there) and I had on my face a look that was a little bit pagentry and a little bit Marilyn Manson. I kept a smile, oh yes, a smile was kept but my eyes told a different story. A tale of destruction and pain. This person (not Wil by-the-way), seeing this confused look of horror and job security flash across my face, tried to recoop by claiming that he could say that to me because I was so skinny. Guess what fella, I am not skinny right now! You lose!
7. “Now I have acne like you do.” If you’ve ever had a zit, and most of us have had atleast one or twenty, you know how it affects your self esteem. Well, I have never had what they call flawless skin and pregnancy has been no different. Wil has had some stress zits lately and he looked at me and said,”Now I have acne like you do.” In his defense, I have been rubbing his belly and asking him when his food baby is due. Turn about is fair play.
8. “You dress like a pregnant hooker.” Some days, I just don’t have it in me to try to look even remotely put together. Other days, I throw on my Gap Maternity dress, my green boots and I actually brush my hair. Today was one of these “high fashion” kind of days. Well, I went downstairs where my posey of EfM coworkers dwell and one of the fiestier gals told me I looked like a pregnant hooker. Well, this spawned a back and forth dialouge ending with her being the chunkier of the hookers. Ain’t friendship great?!
