3 more for the list November 12, 2008

A while back….oh approximately 4 months ago, I started a list of 10 things you should never say to a pregnant woman.   Well, I only had five at the time and just this week, I have three more to add.  When hearing comments like the ones listed below, I think to myself, “When this person was growing up, what did their parents do to them that I will be sure not to do to my child to make them totally irrational.  I mean, don’t they know that I could probably rip a telephone book in half with my bare teeth at this stage in the game? ”  or something like that.

6.  “Hey fatso”……..yes, you read that correctly.  “Hey fatso”.  This was uttered by a male (no big shock there) and I had on my face a look that was a little bit pagentry and a little bit Marilyn Manson.  I kept a smile, oh yes, a smile was kept but my eyes told a different story.  A tale of destruction and pain.  This person (not Wil by-the-way), seeing this confused look of horror and job security flash across my face, tried to recoop by claiming that he could say that to me because I was so skinny.  Guess what fella, I am not skinny right now!  You lose!

7.  “Now I have acne like you do.”  If you’ve ever had a zit, and most of us have had atleast one or twenty, you know how it affects your self esteem.  Well, I have never had what they call flawless skin and pregnancy has been no different.  Wil has had some stress zits lately and he looked at me and said,”Now I have acne like you do.”  In his defense, I have been rubbing his belly and asking him when his food baby is due.  Turn about is fair play.

8.  “You dress like a pregnant hooker.”  Some days, I just don’t have it in me to try to look even remotely put together.  Other days, I throw on my Gap Maternity dress, my green boots and I actually brush my hair.  Today was one of these “high fashion” kind of days.  Well, I went downstairs where my posey of EfM coworkers dwell and one of the fiestier gals told me I looked like a pregnant hooker.  Well, this spawned a back and forth dialouge ending with her being the chunkier of the hookers.  Ain’t friendship great?!

Lonely is not only a word but faces I have known October 29, 2008

I’ve been feeling kinda lonely lately.  It is a strange thing.  I am surrounded by people for a good part of my week.  I have an office smack dab in the middle of all the seminary action.  I live in a neighborhood where you are bound to see someone you know the second you walk out the door.  I have multiple groups I attend during the week for EfM or for the spouses of the seminary or for spiritual direction.  Wil and I usually have a function to go to atleast once a week.  And of course, I try to go to church on Sunday’s when the mood strikes me and that ends up being a social fest by noon.  I usually have to say that Thursday nights are Amanda nights and I can just be at home alone to recoop.  But lately, I have felt very alone.  This past Sunday, Wil got back from a huge meeting in NC and he had been non-stop for atleast two weeks so he just wanted to watch football and play games on the inetrnet.  Totally understandable.  Well, I had been stuck on this moutnain for two weeks and hadn’t seen civilization so I wanted to go eat at Cracker Barrell and go to Goodwill (I know, we live large don’t we).  Well, I asked if he wanted to go and he didn’t which was cool and so I went by myself because I could not think of one person I could call that would want or be able to go with me.  So I cried.  I cried all the way down the mountain and then tried calling people on my cell phone (which I never carry) and finally talked with my mom.  I just felt silly because I realize that a person is only lonely because they make themselves that way.  I don’t ever call people, I need my Amanda time, and I prefer the company of Wil 9 out of 10 times so where does that leave me?

Could this be an Olympic Sport? October 17, 2008

Last night, I was scrubbing up before bed and washing the day off.  I decided to use some of my body scrub, the kind with oil and sugar and smellyness.  We have this interesting shop down the mountain called the “Sonshine Shop” and they sale out of date organic grocery products.  Sometimes you can find gems like deoderant or shaving cream and I had found this body scrub for mere pennies…mere pennies people!  So, I was rubbing my tummy and my butt because that’s where stretch marks are rumoured to surface when you’re pregnant and I’m thinking, “This oily stuff should totally help.”  Well, a little of the oil fell to the shower floor making the shower THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE I HAVE EVER BEEN.

I realized at that moment that the shower is seriously hazardous and we go about our scrub-a-dub-dubbing with little thought about it.  Just think, even without the oily floor, you have flesh and sensitive body parts next to razor blades, water on hard,slick surfaces, the potential to go blind if you get the wrong substance in your eyes, the possibility of scalding water if someone flushes the toilet on ya, you may miss the end of the world because you’re singing opera, and maybe even deadly mold growth if you don’t clean very often………..the possibilities are endless!  And then I go and make it so that there’s no friction between my tootsies and ceramic.  Beware and be safe!

On a totally different note, I bought a body pillow to help with the gravity situation of pregnancy belly.  Preggo pillows can get ridiculously expensieve so I thought I’d out smart the companies.  Well, the body pillow is so huge, I can’t even fit it under my belly and I end up having to straddle it, heave myself over it, and hop a little to go to the bathroom 3 times a night.  Yesterday morning, Wil had an entire conversation with it because he thought it was me in the bed and Sylus sniffs at it and barks at it to warn me that there’s a foriegn object in our bed.  So, needless to say, I did not outsmart anyone and I’m going to attempt to take the thing back to the store.

Preggo-It’s in there! October 1, 2008

Some pregnant women glow, I mean really shine.  They exercise a lot and drink 8 glasses of water and people just gravitate towards them.  Well, this is not me. Someone actually told me that I looked “kinda green” today.  That’s what every bloated, constipated and nauseas person wants to hear.  Not only do I feel yucky on the inside but I look yucky on the outside.  People actually gravitate away from me because of my grumpy attitude (sometimes) and gas issues (not the gas that cost $4.20 a gallon but the other kind).  I finally had to unbotton my pants in the car.  The pressure from my normal waistband was cutting off circulation and I broke down and bought a pair of maternity pants (or 4).  Whoever invented these things is a genious.  I put on a pair and just let it all hang out.  I might continue to wear them after I’ve had the baby especially to large meals like Thanksgiving Dinner.  On my vacation last week, I spent half of it totally sick in all respects and therefore I didn’t eat much.  When I went to try on the materinty pants of love, the sales girl was like, “Dang, you look really good for 15 weeks!”  I let her know that I had starved myself the past week and I much rather be plump and shiny (thank you very much).  There’s so much to worry about right now which does not help my overall appearance.  I know it will ALL be worth it….right?

10 Things you should never say to a pregnant woman September 10, 2008

I may need an exorcism.  I have become….well, evil.  I want to chew on people, spit them out, reassemble them, and chew on them again.  With that said, there are just a few things that should not be said to me for the next 6 months.  So far, these are things that have come out of Wil’s mouth: (disclaimer:  Wil is a wonderful, loving and caring husband and these things were a momentary lapse in his usual good sense.  He is a man.  Nough said.)

1.  “I hope you don’t get fat and ugly during pregnancy.”  This coming from a guy that’s gained 20 lbs. since we moved here.  I’m just saying……

2.  “Don’t do anything to mess up our baby.”  This was uttered as I put a tiny piece of Feta cheese in my mouth because I had ordered a Greek salad.

3.  “I don’t think I can possibly drink all of my margarita.”  As the condensation droplets rolled down the frosty glass and the smell of rock salt clung to the air.  Oh, you’re drinking it even if I have to shove it down your throat……

4.  “Yeah, you are starting to look chunky.”  Chunky is an adjective that should never be used to describe a pregnant lady, along with cow, heifer, bulky, or “large and in charge”. 

5.  “Could you make me a drink?”  Oh, I made him a drink alright.  One part vodka, two parts hate.

As you can see, there are only 5 on my top 10 list.  That’s because I know, I’m sure, I’m positive more things will be uttered either by Wil or possibly by strangers that I will need to add.  I wish those people luck as the endure the wrath that will undoubtedly be sprung upon them if they do choose to go that route…….

Obama Mama September 3, 2008

I tried.  I really did.  I turned on the Republican convention last night with all intentions of watching it so I have both perspectives.  Well, I didn’t even get through President Bush’s speech without wanting to hurl things at the television.  I eyed the crowd in their business suits or cowboy hats, I eyed the former older and more wrinkly Bush’s, I eyed Mrs. McCain and her brood of adopted children.  I just wasn’t feeling it the way I was feeling it for the Democratic Convention. So, I turned on the Simpson’s instead.

 I know I’m not being fair but in all honesty, this is the most I’ve ever been involved mentally in any election.  I just think Obama is right.  He gives me the good vibes.  He gives me hope.  And he does it all without using political mumbo jumbo that’s way over my head (me being a little peon in the political scheme of things).  He’s right for me.  I am officially and Obama Mama (to be). 

In the past I would have worried about displaying this belief.  What would people think?  Would they think less of me because of my pick or more of me?  Would I get hate emails or would someone try to challenge me on my beliefs?  This time around, I don’t care.  I have to look to the future and I just don’t see my future in McCain.  Sure, if I want the cliche answer to every Christian based question or if I want a war veteran that uses that information at the forfront of every speech….I’ll vote McCain but that’s not what I want.  I want change.  I’m not asking for a magic wand sort of change, I know it will take time but I want someone who will at least get the ball rolling in the right direction.  I have fears that Obama won’t deliver and that our morale will be in the toilet, I have fears that Obama will be a major target for racists and non-democrats.  He is willing though and I am willing to give him a chance.

Thinking about Labor on Labor Day September 1, 2008

Actually, I want to tell you all about a little event called Wil’s 30th birthday!  It takes place this Thursday and we plan to have the party on Friday.  I spent the weekend making preperations and I will spend the week getting me home ready for visitors.  It should be fun but it has me reflecting something fierce.  30 is kinda huge.  The 20’s were such good times, such crazy times, such diverse times.  I wonder how the 30’s will be treating us?  Will we gain weight?  (Well, I will for sure but maybe I can loose it too).  Will we have jobs?  Will we have the same job for the whole time?  Will we finally own our home? 

Who knows.  Well, baby is taking all it can from me.  I hurled during dinner last night and could barely eat breakfast and now that I’m hungry, I will probably we nauseas by lunch and therefore the cycle continues.  I just want to do it right.  I want to eat right and do the healthy thing but it gets tricky when all you want is mexican food and ice cream.

Flames Shooting from my Eyes August 28, 2008

Well, the word has officially spread.  It seems that everyone knows.  It feels good. 

My nausea has subsided for the most part.  I get tired at 2pm and kinda just stay that way.  My clothes are starting to get tight (shopping trip in my future!) and Wil is driving me crazy.  Yep, everything is right on target.

Here’s a pic of the wee baby within the womb: 

Not much to look at yet but Baby Keith has potential.  I’ve definitly been Mrs. Grump Face the past 24 hours but everyone can kiss it.  Nah, just kidding.  I want good vibes for me and the wee one as much as possible so when I am irrationally crazy, it hurts us all (especially Wil).

I have loved telling everyone my news.  I get everything from tears to shoulder shrugs.  I am an attention whore (as you may know if you’ve been in a group with me the past 12 years) and so I am eating it up.

My brain. It hurts. August 25, 2008

Yeah yeah.  Monday again.  I should be working but……not gonna.

Life has been very interesting lately.  I have had a surge of emotions all which are explainable.  I will explain them at a later date.  Actually, what the heck, I think it is time my blog world finds out.  Now, if you actually read this thing (which I doubt) and you are in or around where I live, please keep it on the DL until the first community lunch because Wil wants to do the announcing and he gets so little besides my crazy hormones and growing belly, I want him to have the announcing of:: (drum roll please) MY FIRST Pregnancy!  That’s right, you’ve heard it here 24th, Wil and I are expecting a biddy bundle of joy at the end of March.  That would make me 10 weeks and a few days.  We are thrilled, we are sobered, we are greatful, we are scared out of our minds.  We were watching an episode America’s Funniest Home Videos and they had a montage of kids with stuff smeared all over themselves.  It ranged from peanut butter to permanent marker and even butt paste and we silently looked at each other with a look of “Oh man, what have we gotten ourselves into?”  It’s gonna be great though.

I haven’t written in awhile because of the simple fact that having a baby is taking up every second of my free thought process.  I think about how I’m feeling, what I’m eating, vaccines, epidurals, and the list goes on….and on.  I don’t even care about other people anymore.  They are all, “Man I had a tough weekend.  My uncle’s brother’s sister…..”  and this is where I drift off into me land.  I know it sounds selfish but truth be told, I have what they call mom-iteous where I’m probably not going to remember anything you say anyways.  I am not being totally truthful….I care, a little.

Batman Endoresment August 1, 2008

I went last night with some friends to see The Dark Knight.  Our movie theater choices aren’t that great around here and we ended up at the Old Hamm.  You can just picture the old days when you walk in but the bad part is, no surround sound.  Oh well, it didn’t hurt the impact of the movie.  It was awesome!  I wondered if it wasn’t getting too much hype because of Heath Ledgers death but I was proven wrong.  Heath is amazing in the film and put Jack Nicholson to shame.  It had a great story line and unexpected twists.  I did not like Batman’s “cover-up” voice.  It got to me after awhile and I am not a huge fan of Maggie Gylenhal.  She is pretty and all but I just wasn’t feeling it for her in the role of Rachel.

At one point I did think it went a little long, we didn’t get home until 10:15 and we left at 6:30 so with travel time, that still makes a long movie.  In some ways I think they should leave the Joker from now on…no one else should play him. Ever.  I did hear some rumors that Johnny Dep would be the Riddler in the next batman installation.  Sounds good to me, especially if he wears the leotard.